Being beautiful...

Last night I went to a singles event with a group of my single girlfriends. Well…we had a blast, but I wasn’t the nicest person in the world. I didn’t outright insult anyone to their face…but there was a lot of ‘oh-my-gawd’ giggling…and I was pretty nasty in my comments to my girlfriends about the people around us. It was a real mix of people and aesthetically stereotypically not the most pleasing to the eye (short, overweight, bald, unattractive, bad sense of fasion, all of the above…you get the idea). At the time it was a lot of fun and we were laughing and having a good time. No harm was intended.

Well, I feel really guilty about all of my nasty comments last night. I mean...those people have balls, to go out and do that, to make an effort, and by those people I don’t mean unattractive people, I mean single people who want to meet people and have fun and participate…and I really wasn’t making any effort at all...I made it into a lets-stare-at(and laugh at)-the-freaks for $20...which makes me unattractive on the inside...and I'd much rather be hideous on the outside and beautiful on the inside.

I have made the comment at least twice today that being there last night made me realize how attractive I am…however, I don’t think so anymore. It made me realize how UNattractive a person I can be…Seriously, I wasn't even willing to give a single soul there a chance in hell...and that wasn't fair of me. And one day it will come back to me...and someone will make me feel the way my comments would have made those people feel...so that is my penance right now.

Speaking of penance…I have given up alcohol for Lent this year. YES….SERIOUSLY! ;) And I can do it. However, looking back on my behaviour last night, I SHOULD have given up nastiness. The saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” should always be adhered, as well as “treat others as you wish to be treated”.

I believe I lost a job due to my nastiness once. I had been standing in a cubicle with another employee and he commented on another fellow employee. His comments were about how she didn’t do much, and didn’t know much, and just trashing her job and abilities. I joined in and agreed with him, and probably made a few comments on my own (I don’t remember all that was said). However, the other employee had been sitting in the cubicle next to us (not her own) and heard every word. I was unaware of this at the time. Later that day she sent me an email, making me aware of that fact and saying how upset my comments had made her. I replied and apologized (yes, putting it in writing was silly)…but I felt HORRIBLE about the whole thing, once again not thinking about how my comments could hurt another person. Later that week I was “Laid Off” for reasons that included…not following proper recycling procedures (it was a telephone customer service job that I was doing, nothing to do with recycling). But I knew why I had been let go…and I deserved to lose my job over that…and I was lucky that they didn’t fire my @ss and give the reason why…it was horrible and I still feel guilty about what I did.

So putting last night in perspective…I’ve got a long way to go…and I will continually try and remember that my words and my actions represent who I am and who the world sees and hears. I don’t want to be that nasty ugly person that I was being last night. And I don’t ever want to make someone feel as bad (or worse) as I made that co-worker feel.