...dreaming...

...I think that this post is all just going to be from inside my head ramblings...don't say I didn't warn you :)

First. What the H E double-(the word that will not be said) sticks am I doing up this early on a Saturday morning after a good solid night of drinking girls night & birthday celebrations. *sigh* I woke up from a bizarre and frightening (I think) dream. And once awake I had to pee...so I did...and even when I do that on weekday mornings, I can always fall right back to sleep, but Noooooooooooooooooooooooo....surely not on a Saturday morning, when I could sleep until noon, 1, 2...whenever the heck I wanted to. I've been up since 7...I lay in bed thinking about not getting up, got up at 7:30 and sent a lengthy email to my cousin. But all the while with blog-post thoughts in my head.

So what did I awake from. Well, I remember that there was a lot more to the dream than the details I remember, it had been quite lengthy. But I only really remember bits near the end. This may seem random, but welcome to my brain, can I take your coat. Okay, the dream...So I'm at Se's cottage. Only it's -not- his cottage. I know that's where I am but like in many dreams, the surroundings are completely different than in real life. Now, I have a theory on this (I'm digressing...stay with me). My theory is, when we go to a place a dream, that we've been to in real life, and it looks completely different, it's what that place looks like in the dreamworld we're in when we're dreaming.

For example...if any of you have any read Robert Jordan's The Wheel of Time series, some of the characters can dreamwalk, loosely explained, they can enter the world of dreams (there's lots of great stuff...but this is just an example...and not a whole blog on this). The world of dreams is called Tel'aran'rhiod. I love this idea of a dream world...a different plane of existence, slightly out of scope with the real world. So you can be exactly where you're told you are, but have it be completely different from the real world and it makes sense to you in the dream. (note: in Robert Jordan's Tel'aran'rhiod, everything looks the same in the dreamworld as in the real world...but time is different, and when things are moved in the real world, they are moved in the dreamworld...but now I am -really- digressing) So? Have I lost you yet? (told you there would be babbling...I'm all jacked up on my morning tea now...and there's more in the pot yet)

***CRAP*** I hate my computer...I had just finished typing the next huge paragraph and the site crashed....crap, crap, crap. Thank GOODNess that I saved this first part.

Okay, where was I. Yes, the cottage. Well now we're on the water. Travelling by boats, sort of like canoes, but they have this big pontoon thing sticking off one side, the right I think, like the boats they've used before on Survivor. (I think). The body of water is a lake, but long, narrow and twisting like a river, but it doesn't flow. Everyone is two per boat. Except me, and my boat is different. My boat travels by spinning and I use my legs, sort of the way you work a swing, only I'm whipping them to the side. And this whipping motion throws my boat into a spin which turns me but moves me forward. Now although my boat is very low to the water, I never get my legs or feet wet. I get the feeling that I wouldn't like to have to submerge any part of myself in the water, but I'm not worried about it. I'm amazed on how straight forward my boat is moving because of how quickly I'm turning. The sensation is marvellous. A really good spin. It's a very smooth motion. I remember travelling over a large patch of lily pads and flowers and thinking, I can't even feel them as they pass underneath me. Everytime I spin around I can see the people behind me. Everyone is paddling. I realize that I don't have a paddle and I hope that my boat will continue to move from this spinning, I realize that I forgot my paddle, but I like my spinning far better anyway. Two people behind me in the boats stand out. I don't know who they are in real life, but they're familiar in the dream (they make sense). One is sitting higher out of the canoes, like he's on a stool. And I think he's calling out commands, or talking loudly. But he's not threatening at all. I don't remember what he looks like, but for some reason I associate him with Gilles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

(this is where I was so rudely interrupted...darn machines...every couple of minutes now I'm saving my draft, but every couple seconds I highlight my most recent section and Alt+C)

The other person is a dark-skined man, with a very round face, and I get a very comfortable feeling from him. Although I'm aware of the raised man and I can see him everytime I spin around, it's the the other man that I am looking at directily, and sometimes directly in his eyes, every time around. He's directly behind me, the other man is behind him and to my left (when I'm facing them) . I'm spinning clockwise. I get the feeling that I'm taunting him, but in a flirty, fun kind of way. Look how much fun I'm having, look how fast I'm travelling, I'm faster than you, come and catch me. He doesn't seem to be struggling, just keeping pace. And he's close enough to me that I can't actually see him paddling. He is smiling and serene, although I can't really remember his face. I think of 'warm' when I think of him.

Then someone skates by me. The water is ice. And I'm trying to remember if it's always been ice. No, I can remember the lily pads and the paddling. I don't really remember how I'm travelling, but I'm still moving forward, however I can't see behind me anymore, so I'm probably not spinning. Another man on skates passes me. And I think and ask outloud to someone, that the ice doesn't look thick enough to skate on and I marvel at this. There's a woman who skates towards us (there's a man with me, behind me to the left) she comes up to me also on my left, and slows down, she looks like she is standing on very small pieces of flat metal, with a small blade on the underside (like an old cast-iron Iron, upside-down, but silver, not black). This memory sticks out. She has tiny feet, and I think frilly white socks on. She is very thin and not very tall but she's not young, but not very old. She says something, maybe answers my question, I can't remember. But I'm not convinced that the ice is thick enough. I'll stay alert. Then a guy on rollerblades passes me. He's moving fast and whoever the guy is with me (either I can't see him or I don't remember him now). The rollerblader has very thick (like tires) wheels on his skates, a flatter surface than normal blade wheels. I get the feeling that I shoul be worried, maybe someone said something. The three that past us go around a curve and we can't see them. Then up ahead I see water appearing on the ice. I know that this is very bad. (note...this might get a little graphic...but it was).

So I speed up. I'm still not really sure how I'm travelling at this point, but I'm able to move fast. And one of the skaters, the rollerblader I think, is lying on his back, in a groove in the ice and completely submerged in water. There are two people next to him, one on either side. I yell...grab him, get him out of there. There's something large obstructing his mouth. I think to myself, it's dangerous to move a person who has fallen, but it's more dangerous for him to drown, they have to get him out of there. Or maybe I say it out loud. I turn around behind me and yell, or maybe this is just a thought. I feel as though there were people behind me, but I don't remember if I saw any when I turned around. We have to call 911. I remember my cell phone is in my jacket pocket, I'm wearing the new white winter jacket that I just bought. The pocket's zipper is slowing me down. I turn back to the boys again, boys? teenagers? Not men though. They have the boy out of the water, but there's something wrong. (okay...this gets graffic, at least it was in the dream) That thing in his mouth. It's like a round ball, a little bigger than a tennis ball, and made of, well, what you'd look like if you got turned inside out. I think to myself...should we push it back in? It's really gross and it's coming out further, sort of like giving birth through his mouth. And finally this ball pops out and it's more white and gooey now and not so bloody and veiny as it was before...but it's flying around...and now it's coming at me and it's just a disjointed head, with a face, kind of Chucky-shrunken-head like, still a little larger in size than a tennis ball. I think I try swinging at it (as well as you can in a dream...I have trouble with willing my arms to move in my dreams)...but I don't feel like I'm having trouble. I somehow manage to get away.

The whole thing felt pretty awful and I think I was pretty scared. After I get away there's a man next to me, on my left. I'm not sure if he's the same man that was there when I saw the boy under the water. This man is tall and slender, but muscular with a honey brown colour skin. He doesn't have a shirt on and I'm resting my head on his chest and crying. I'm scared and upset. I say...I think it's really focusing on me. Why is it attacking me? I realize now in the waking world that this isn't the only time. This is where I realize that my dream had been longer, or is referencing something that happened before that I can sort of feel happened, but I can no longer remember now (real now, not in the dream now, in the dream I remember what had happened before). He calms me and says not to say anything. We don't want to draw attention to this fact, that whatever is after us (more than just him and I) is really focusing on me, but I don't know why not. This is not the first time I've been scared in this dream, or the first time I've been attacked by something in it either, I just don't remember anything before being at the cottage. I feel very comforted by him, and I don't want him to go.

The next thing I know, I'm in a boarding house. I'm on the ground floor, which is a tavern/restaurant. Lots of wood, some booths which have low ceilings. A wooden banister with a round top. I check the specials to see what the soup is. One of the specials is Angel Hair pasta with sauce or you can have it Primavera (and it says with vegetables in brackets). I start to come out of the dream. I think I was staying in the rooming house and I think I started to make for the stairs. Or maybe I was climbing the stairs. And then I woke up...but not really, more like I came out of the dream, but I'm still half asleep. And I remember that I was frightened and can see the little white head thing vividly in my mind. And then I realize I have to pee and I get up, still mid-slumber...still thinking I should be scared...and I probably am scared with the lights off in the bathroom...but I don't want to be scared, but I think I probably am, I'm just too tired. And then I go back to bed and figure I can fall right back asleep...and then, nope. I'm still groggy, but I know I'm not going to get a real minute of sleep now. *sigh*

Wow...that felt good to type up. Some of the images are still pretty vivid. The lily pads and flowers...that the motion of spinning felt good although I can't really remember what it feels like, just that it felt good...the boy in the groove in the ice covered by water...the whole creepy thing...the sensation of where the people were at different parts in my dream. Some of the colours and textures...and lots of the sensations.

I've always been a very vivid dreamer, lots of colour and details. I love dreaming. Even scary or upsetting ones. It's like having a good laugh, when you laugh so hard you can't breathe...or a good cry, when you sob and sob and sob...or a good O, where you're hands and feet go numb and you giggle hysterically (or is that just me)... :) All very calming afterwards.

There are some dreams throughout my life that have REALLY stood out and I still remember them today. Sometimes it's just parts of the dream....I've had periods of time in my life where I dreamed about flying...running and jumping into the air and just soaring and consciously keeping myself in the air. I still dream it once in awhile, but not as much as during one time (a couple of months after I moved to Toronto)...and a couple of times this year I've dreamed about my teeth falling out. Mostly just one or two, but a couple of weeks ago I dreamed that they all fell out. These sensations, the flying and teeth, are -very- vivid sensations. Can you remember the feeling of a loose tooth when you were a kid...EXACTLY that...and it feels real, they wiggle and they loosen and then they break loose, all the sinew and skin and the sharp point of the root of the tooth, and in these dreams I've actually thought...I'm probably dreaming but then realize I'm not (even though I am)...Most vivid dreams fade with time, though. The great thing about writing down a dream and having it fade is going back and reading it. You know it happened, it was memories that you had, actually thoughts that your head had...but you have no recollection of it. Like, that came out of my head...that's NUTS!!!

(ha ha...my browser crashed again...but I tricked it...plrbplrbplrbplrbplrbplrb *raspberry noise* I only had to finish the last little bit...ha ha)

Okay...I'm going to end this post now (I've got some other ideas for posts for today...but I'll attempt to keep my thoughts a little separate). So there you are...2 hours and 3 cups of tea later. And to think that dreams really only last a fraction of a second of time and that was only a part of the whole dream. The brain is an amazing thing. All those thoughts, images, sensations...in a matter of moments. Yay Brain! :)

So....do you all believe I'm crazy now? Would you like me to fetch your coat? Or I can put on another pot of tea...