Mistakes & Lies

So I made a mistake.

I was supposed to do something, a very simple task. Drop off a cheque, not difficult. Only it HAD to be done that day. And I went to do it, but the line up was so long and the person I was with didn't want to wait. That's okay, I could leave the office early and do it then. And there it sat on my desk. "Are you going to deposit that?" he asked. "Yes, I'm going to leave early and take care of it with lots of time to spare." Good, no worries.

And then there was champagne, and there were toasts, and there was tipsy. And the cheque got forgotten.

The next morning I came in late...a planned late, everyone was aware of the late. Lots to do, rush, rush, rush and I fipped the pages of my day book and there's the cheque and....

...blurp...

Yup, I threw up just a little, and just in my mouth. My stomach went into knots. I had fucked up! It HAD to be done yesterday...there would be consequences. And he was grumpy. I can fix it, I know I can and I won't have to tell him. And although forgetting was the first mistake, this idea was the BIG mistake.

The ball starts rolling, with a simple delete of information, half truths start, and the covering up and then the out right lies. I'm sure heknows, but it's too late now, because now I'm like a little kid and no matter what I do at this point is going to get me in trouble.

The cheque was deposited, but it was done late and there will be reprecussions and there will be questions. Why didn't I tell him right away? Because I'm a very scared little kid and I'm an immature child who can't admite that she messed up for fear of reprisal, when what I've done since has made everything worse. All because -I-, of all people, chose not to say anything.

Oh stress, oh guilt, oh Why?

Because I know that I know better...

Nothing I can do now but continue the silence. He'll find out and he'll be pissed.

Let's hope he's not grumpy that day.