So easy...
...to be bad.
I think I'm coming upon a new lesson (lots of them all the time). I don't think I've learnt it yet cause it's slow in coming. It's not like things are as crazy as they were last fall, but I'm still not as dedicated or as focused as I'd like to be.
It's the good girl/bad girl syndrom.
The good girl is the one that -wants- to get in shape, eat right, study and take courses to expand my horizons to make me more valuable to myself and the world, and knit...I actually want to knit, reading, I love reading but I do it so seldom.
The bad girl is the social girl. It's not that being social is a bad thing it's just that it is an avalanche. I just keep wanting more of it. And it keeps me from doing any of the good girl things.
I'm a binger, not for one thing, but for everything in general. I get something in my head and like a dog with a bone, it's all that I see, all that I can focus on, all that I want, and eventually I tire of it, and can go back to small regular doses. I then move onto the next thing, the next bone (no pun intended), the next obsession, the next binge.
I treat life like an all you can eat buffet. Only sometimes I've been such a glutton that I can barely stand up straight afterwards.
And the whole time the one thing, in all the cases, that I'm really binging on is drama, the attention, the world revolving around me.
I need to pace myself, walk not run, nibble not gorge, breahe not hyperventilate.
Okay, I see the lesson...how do I fix this? Just changing the behavious isn't going to necessarily make it stick. I need to look for the reasons, the triggers, the instigation of the behavious which has become like, well, breathing.
I can see the problems so easily, but my signt is not an x-ray or doesn't want to see the x-ray, the skeleton, the depth of the problem. Am I afraid of what I'll find? Yes, I'm pretty sure that I'm frightened about what I'll find.
I think I'm coming upon a new lesson (lots of them all the time). I don't think I've learnt it yet cause it's slow in coming. It's not like things are as crazy as they were last fall, but I'm still not as dedicated or as focused as I'd like to be.
It's the good girl/bad girl syndrom.
The good girl is the one that -wants- to get in shape, eat right, study and take courses to expand my horizons to make me more valuable to myself and the world, and knit...I actually want to knit, reading, I love reading but I do it so seldom.
The bad girl is the social girl. It's not that being social is a bad thing it's just that it is an avalanche. I just keep wanting more of it. And it keeps me from doing any of the good girl things.
I'm a binger, not for one thing, but for everything in general. I get something in my head and like a dog with a bone, it's all that I see, all that I can focus on, all that I want, and eventually I tire of it, and can go back to small regular doses. I then move onto the next thing, the next bone (no pun intended), the next obsession, the next binge.
I treat life like an all you can eat buffet. Only sometimes I've been such a glutton that I can barely stand up straight afterwards.
And the whole time the one thing, in all the cases, that I'm really binging on is drama, the attention, the world revolving around me.
I need to pace myself, walk not run, nibble not gorge, breahe not hyperventilate.
Okay, I see the lesson...how do I fix this? Just changing the behavious isn't going to necessarily make it stick. I need to look for the reasons, the triggers, the instigation of the behavious which has become like, well, breathing.
I can see the problems so easily, but my signt is not an x-ray or doesn't want to see the x-ray, the skeleton, the depth of the problem. Am I afraid of what I'll find? Yes, I'm pretty sure that I'm frightened about what I'll find.
posted by PrincessDoubt @ 3:25 p.m.
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