Cheating
How is it, when one thing in your life is going in one direction, that everything else around you seems to follow suit?
Growing up I had no other Libras in my life and then last year it seemed that everyone popping out of the woodwork was a Libra. Were Libras always there and I just wasn't seeing them or was it a topic that wasn't discussed.
Or last Spring, I was dating someone with a name which, although not odd or unusual, was not very common, and yet it appeared everywhere, all the time. Again was I tuned into that name and became more aware?
So now...cheating. It doesn't directly affect me, because, hey, single...so no worries for me. However, all around me directly and indirectly, there is tons of cheating going on, both actual and idealogical. It is me? Am I putting it out there? Yup, that is the most self-centered, self-involved question, EVER!
No seriously, I'm guessing that it has always been there, only now the cheating is a part of the 2,000 bits of information that I am choosing to process.
I'm also hoping that maybe I'm upgrading my learning process. I've always been a do or die, learn from my own mistakes, touch the stove to know it's hot, kinda girl. But maybe the universe thinks I'm ready. Maybe it knows there's a lesson that it wants to make sure I've learnt and it has given all this to me to observe, make notes and learn. Something that I don't have to experience to learn.
But I have done it. I have learned. I cheated once.
A long time ago. It was dumb, there was no reason for it. There was no lead up, there was no excitement. There was no love, there was just stupidity. And after it happened I felt awful, and guilty, and then I felt numb.
I got found out shortly after it happened. And the pain I felt when I got to see the pain he felt was awful. The betrayal, the hurt, the loss. And I begged, and pleaded, and apologized and it was nothing...I swear. And I knew that I never wanted to hurt anyone like this ever again. And I knew there was nothing I could do.
But if it was nothing, why did I destroy a relationship for it? Why did I cause someone else so much pain for my actions?
I was young. I was stupid. I was mean. I have no excuse. I was wrong.
No one deserves to be hurt like that.
That was 12 years ago, and I cannot change the past, and it may be an old memory that lies forgotten. But Dave, I am still very sorry.
Growing up I had no other Libras in my life and then last year it seemed that everyone popping out of the woodwork was a Libra. Were Libras always there and I just wasn't seeing them or was it a topic that wasn't discussed.
Or last Spring, I was dating someone with a name which, although not odd or unusual, was not very common, and yet it appeared everywhere, all the time. Again was I tuned into that name and became more aware?
So now...cheating. It doesn't directly affect me, because, hey, single...so no worries for me. However, all around me directly and indirectly, there is tons of cheating going on, both actual and idealogical. It is me? Am I putting it out there? Yup, that is the most self-centered, self-involved question, EVER!
No seriously, I'm guessing that it has always been there, only now the cheating is a part of the 2,000 bits of information that I am choosing to process.
I'm also hoping that maybe I'm upgrading my learning process. I've always been a do or die, learn from my own mistakes, touch the stove to know it's hot, kinda girl. But maybe the universe thinks I'm ready. Maybe it knows there's a lesson that it wants to make sure I've learnt and it has given all this to me to observe, make notes and learn. Something that I don't have to experience to learn.
But I have done it. I have learned. I cheated once.
A long time ago. It was dumb, there was no reason for it. There was no lead up, there was no excitement. There was no love, there was just stupidity. And after it happened I felt awful, and guilty, and then I felt numb.
I got found out shortly after it happened. And the pain I felt when I got to see the pain he felt was awful. The betrayal, the hurt, the loss. And I begged, and pleaded, and apologized and it was nothing...I swear. And I knew that I never wanted to hurt anyone like this ever again. And I knew there was nothing I could do.
But if it was nothing, why did I destroy a relationship for it? Why did I cause someone else so much pain for my actions?
I was young. I was stupid. I was mean. I have no excuse. I was wrong.
No one deserves to be hurt like that.
That was 12 years ago, and I cannot change the past, and it may be an old memory that lies forgotten. But Dave, I am still very sorry.
posted by PrincessDoubt @ 9:46 a.m.
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