Upon meeting someone new

More often than not when I meet someone new, no matter what the circumstances, if I feel a slight connection, I immediately feel as though a serious bond has been created and I instantly become attached. I do this with both men and women, whether physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional or spiritual. Most people get this same feeling and think, cool…let’s see what all this is about and then take the time to get to know that person. I dive right in, with the feeling that this meeting was fated and I need to get and give as much as I possibly can, as fast as I can. I fear that whatever this connection is, it might disappear, might not be real. I don’t trust this fate that I appear to believe in so strongly. If I did, I would trust that whatever is supposed to become of each relationship will occur. That every good thing and great moment will happen, if I just take a second and allow it to happen. I know what my mistakes are. I know what the problems are. I have to want to make the changes to receive different results. If you keep swinging at the ball the same way, it will always go in the same direction until you change your grip or your stance (or both). I will never get the different results that I want until I do something about it.

So do I need to change the way I interact with people? Do I need to change parts of who I am? Or am I going to trust in this so called ‘fate’, this universe in which we live, and myself? Trust that this is who I am and that in trusting in all of that and in who I am, that I will….wow…I will what? I wanted to finish that sentence…but I’m not sure exactly what I want to finish with…

That I will get ‘what I want’? If there is something that I want, it is my responsibility to myself to go after it. Not trying is my own fault of not getting.

That I will get “what I need’? I already have everything that I ‘need’. And then I realize that most of what I think I ‘need’ are all really just emotional wants. So either go after them, or reconsider where it is I am placing the importance of these ‘needs’ in my life.

That I will ‘be happy’? I am. There is no ifs, ands or buts about it. I say it and I mean it. I look at what I think I need or want and realize that neither are worrisome, nor need to be dwelt on, because I am happy now at this time and in this place.
I would like to begin trusting more, the world around me, and the people in it. And mostly I have to keep trusting myself and remembering to love myself. Without that, nothing else matters.