Floundering? Waiting? Lost?

(note: this was written last week)

In limbo. That's where I feel like I am right now. I don't feel like I'm sticking anywhere right now. It's like I'm on a treasure hunt but I don't have the list of things I'm looking for.

However that's not quite right. I have the list, I know what my motivation is to get the things on the list, and I think I want them, but I don't feel like doing what I have to, to get the items. All that drive & focus 6 months ago when I started this blog, it seems to have faded. My goals are still the same, but the drive, the energy I had, is fading.

I'm in typical me lazy mode. I've reverted to the C student, with so much 'potential'. Why am I happy to just sit and wait for things to just happen? Things that won't happen unless I apply myself and yet I'm happy to just sit back and do nothing.

I guess I'm waiting for myself. Waiting to get off my own little but and do something.

I recently read an idea "...believing is seeing..." and I think it's fairly accurate. No, not "...seeing is believing...", the other way around.

When you meet a cute person and you're talking and having a great time you think "...wow they really like me", and you get all sorts of ideas in your head. Many times you just -want- them to really like you...you 'believe' it strongly enough and sure enough you 'see' it.

I need to start believing things about myself and my choices. About what I'm doing and what I want to do. Maybe once I start to really believe, I will see these things, therefor making them happen. Because they are all the things I can have if I just put in the effort. But my lack of belief is holding me back, keeping me lazy and yet uneasy. Waiting for something that will never happen until I get up and start it happening.